Eternal Forest Eternal Life
芷慧的一个要求，使我拜托妈妈替我找出幼稚园的毕业照。
看到幼稚园照片的你，或许会回想自己可爱的时光。
和你一样，我会。
我也想起了当初的天真无邪，当初的无忧无虑，当初的成绩优秀。
对比着现今的我，差太多了吧？
“大学”一词是当年的愿望。现在，却觉得非常刺耳，极为排斥。
好不喜欢人家在我面前提起，因为那压力很大。
我记得，那天拍完照后。
我冲出课室，看见在课室外等候我，准备接我下课的母亲。
她脸上的笑容，脸上的期待，让我感受到家庭的温暖。
我见到她，说的第一句话就是“Mummy”，然后再述说拍照的乐趣。
再看看照片吧。
我竟然没露出笑容。
是那摄影师叫我要严肃吧，我才没笑，真的严肃。
现在再看看，戴着方帽的我，看起来开心吗？
可能吧，可能我不适合戴方帽。
一戴起方帽，脸上就露出不愉快的表情。
或许，早已定了？
经过一番思考后
听了亁妈往年的经验
我想，
可能我得走上同样的道路。
我是应该觉得羞愧的。
我是应该躲避的。
我是应该躲起来。
因为比起大家，我太不一样了。
我太差劲了。
我太没资格了。
我还能在社会混吗？
Just came back from a 3 Days 2 Night Chalet at Rm 1314 Coasta Sands Resort Downtown East.
What a nice name.
Nice Experience.
Great Fun.
Cool BBQ with Drizzle.
Fun Arcade.
First Time on Cadbury Ferris Wheel.
First time playing Jubeat.
KBox.
Dinner @ BBQ Chicken, treat by Weexiang for being Golden Grad.
Free Bubble Tea + Instant Noodles by Xueting for being Silver Grad.
Ate 2 pcs RAW Shrimp Wonton and get my whole mouth and throat itchy.
2nd Minor Accident on Bicycle, 2 hr ride ( Free 1 hr )
Cold Showers, Warm only on 3rd morning.
Monopoly. TV. Eat. Sleep.
Brunch @ McD White Sands with Zhihui and Xueting, I only ate 2pc Hotcakes Happy Meal.
That was about what i did for the past 3 days.
It was a good gathering, i have to admit.
It all lies with my emotions, i cant control.
I keep worrying for the same old things.
Misty Study + Career life.
To me, on the bicycle, staying right at the back, looking at the 3 High Achievers, that were always by my side, riding their bikes in front of me, their back view just gave me feeligs of being inferior. I’m so lousy, not achieving up to standard, not getting myself settled down in a local university.
It seems a High Achievers’ Chalet specially planned for them. I really feel inferior. Yes it’s lots of fun and I do cherish the time we have together cos i really dont know when is our next time. Most probably we’ll just be going our own ways after Monday’s ceremony. I think even meeting Weexiang in the same BMTC will sound quite impossible too.
Maybe, it’s really time for me to leave. Just like how they do it on the Survivor series, my torch will be extinguished from 四人帮 soon after Monday’s Graduation 2010.
Maybe, 三人帮’s reputation will be better without a black sheep.
A show filled with wonderful casts and Visual Effects not to be missed!
Highly recommended to be viewed under Dolby Surround sound..
Definitely looking forward to the next movie of the series!!
A long time, i left this blog untouched.
Suddenly thought alot, suddenly emotional, suddenly feel like crying, suddenly cried.
i dint manage to get the final suddenly done.
many things happened lately, and i’m getting lots and lots of burden all piled up.
yes, project initially.
then friendship problems with a friend i never thought i would hurt.
crying during the first few hours of 2010.
a sad birthday, yet again, with my grandma leaving me on the same afternoon. she took her last breath right before me.
the day i turned 20, is seriously not a day i would want to recall.
not only because of grandma’s death.
it should be quite demoralizing thinking of project work every second.
though you don mind, i know you would.
it’s disheartening to feel that your big day is not worth a $3 Sentosa Admission fee to Siloso.
sad, real sad. disheartening, real disheartening.
i am not good in writing english. yea, how am i supposed to get successful when i don even excel academically.
yet another burden.
thinking of the risk in getting into local university just makes me feel even worse.
academically or physically, i am poor. i just dont know how to survive this world.
everytime i look into the friendships nowadays, i feel so scared.
i hate this feeling but i am indeed afraid.
afraid of the dispersing clique.
afraid of the leaving friends.
afraid of being alone.
i really want to relax myself, mentally.
but i cant.
just too busy.
i know i should not even waste time typing all these, that may seem crap to you.
i should just stay focused on the project.
but i just wanna say,
i am not a workaholic.
and i know i am not.
probably that’s why i am always losing out.
because i dont know how to think and plan for myself.
can the world, can the mindsets, just please give me a break.
give me…
最近的不愉快，堆积如山。
今早，又发生了不愉快的事。
一个渺小软弱的小朋友在2009年2月26日下午，与它的一位姐姐/妹妹/哥哥/弟弟，睡在平坦的报纸上，陪伴着我一路搭巴士，到我的家入宿。当晚因为赶着乘搭飞机，没办法陪它们一晚。
几个星期后，这两只渺小的小朋友长大了，又肥又胖。多亏弟弟每天在家里细心的照顾。然而有一天，这位小朋友却将自己的亲兄弟咬死了。听说，惨不忍睹。弟弟在网络上与我交谈时，还哭红了双眼。
5个月的浸濡终于结束了，我回到家里，看着它可爱的容貌。开始，是三分钟热度，很有兴趣的照顾它。然而，日子久了。我也没什么时间那么细心。甚至，有时候都没时间替她清理家。只能在经过的时候挑逗着它。
几天前，它才凭一张照片替我赢取礼包。这位小朋友非常好动。常常会自己转轮子、跑来跑去、爬高爬低。它会爬Monkey Bars，也爱这里咬咬、那里咬咬。我甚至还被它咬伤一次，但知识小伤口。最喜欢看它从我手中夺取瓜子和面包，自己害羞得蹲在一旁慢慢咀嚼，吃得精空后，还回到笼子边，向我讨更多食物。
昨晚，它还好好的。还能够跟随我的挑逗，还能够爬上轮子转圈圈。
今早，我如往常般经过笼子，看着里头，它正安详地躺在一旁。我最担心的念头闪过脑海。我开始弹手指挑逗它、摇摇笼子。只见它安详地睡着。它不再理会我了。我看看周围，只见它竟然不浪费一丁点面包、不忘把水喝完再上路。我小心翼翼地将它放在旧报纸上。它的身体，是僵硬的；眼睛是微开着的；周围还有一些细细的脱毛。
我后悔了。为何我就不多给予一些照顾？为何昨晚我还不帮它洗澡、清理家？为何我为它留的面包，不拿给它吃？千错万错，原来一切都是我的错。
为什么我宁可花几小时在电脑前，也不花几分钟在他的家面前？
今天，2009年10月28日，它在我的家度过了“难忘”的8个月。今天，它带着忧伤，离开了我的家。我再也没法看到他活泼的样子了。
相信这只仓鼠，是我看过最活泼的、最灵活的。
愿你来世，能够投胎转世。如果来世再当仓鼠，愿你能进入一个好人家。希望我们有缘，再见！
敬启，
热爱你、但又忽略你的
许永森
好久没有到这里写出自己的感受、抒发自己的情感了。
这几个星期，都有在Blog，只不过是为《新加坡金曲奖》官方部落格报导独家盛况。
要不是我有Twitter替我撑着，这片网上的森林应该就枯萎了吧。
今天终于上网写自己的心了，非常不开心。
原来预言是真的。
昨天，有个预感就快EMO了，没想到今天就实现了。
天底下，怎么会有这种人？
或许是出自一番好意，但是方式错了。
因为你的一番话，我……
失落
失去信心
觉得被侮辱。
你说话就不可以客观一些吗？
我们听了……
心酸
觉得自己几个星期的心血似乎都白费了。
为什么你要这么说他们？
人家那么说你，你会开心吗？
你说人家不欣赏异国风情，你就很欣赏本地滋味吗？
土豆。
你真是个土豆。
不明白？
说得明一些！
马铃薯
吃马铃薯长大的。
对不起，要这么说你。
我觉得很过意不去。
可是，在我了解你感受时，你是否了解我的呢？
说实在的，你就别为自己着想了。
为我们想。
为大众想想吧！
你年纪不小了，
思想可否再成熟一些？
我拜托你，让我们好好度过这难关吧！
如果哪方面得罪了，恳求你原谅！
Yupp, I fell sick.. unfortunately..
but recovering!! Thanks for all the concern..
On Wednesday, I went to Jing Shan Primary for Relief Teaching till Friday.. It was nice experience looking at the P2, P3 and P6, teaching them English and Chinese..
The Chinese department is very happening with lots of competition well prepared for the kids..
My first day there happen to be the 诗歌朗诵比赛 for the P2.. The 2/5 I took were fabulous and they won the 最佳表达奖.. Though the prizes were 分猪肉, but it’s effort!!
P2/5 rehearsing.. 组屋高，组屋好……
蔡老师的办公桌。。
My P2 made Teacher’s Day card during their Art lessons and gave me before I even stepped into class.. SO TOUCHING!!
小三测验练习卷子。。他们很乖，1.5小时的时限，1小时内就完成了。
Yupp!!! My kids are really very cute.. they ask me naive questions, volunterer to help me with stuffs.. I can only say, they’re really very young and innocent..
hahahahahahah.. end with this pic.. my godbro wrapped his macbook pro in this gmask.. NICE BUT EXPENSIVE!!!!
Picture taken at JJ's Sixology Photo Shoot with Fans!
Yupp~~ I'm a 19 Years Old JJ Fan, Born on 15 January!
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