feel

A long time, i left this blog untouched.

Suddenly thought alot, suddenly emotional, suddenly feel like crying, suddenly cried.

i dint manage to get the final suddenly done.

many things happened lately, and i’m getting lots and lots of burden all piled up.

yes, project initially.

then friendship problems with a friend i never thought i would hurt.

crying during the first few hours of 2010.

a sad birthday, yet again, with my grandma leaving me on the same afternoon. she took her last breath right before me.

the day i turned 20, is seriously not a day i would want to recall.

not only because of grandma’s death.

it should be quite demoralizing thinking of project work every second.

though you don mind, i know you would.

it’s disheartening to feel that your big day is not worth a $3 Sentosa Admission fee to Siloso.

sad, real sad. disheartening, real disheartening.

i am not good in writing english. yea, how am i supposed to get successful when i don even excel academically.

yet another burden.

thinking of the risk in getting into local university just makes me feel even worse.

academically or physically, i am poor. i just dont know how to survive this world.

everytime i look into the friendships nowadays, i feel so scared.

i hate this feeling but i am indeed afraid.

afraid of the dispersing clique.

afraid of the leaving friends.

afraid of being alone.

i really want to relax myself, mentally.

but i cant.

just too busy.

i know i should not even waste time typing all these, that may seem crap to you.

i should just stay focused on the project.

but i just wanna say,

i am not a workaholic.

and i know i am not.

probably that’s why i am always losing out.

because i dont know how to think and plan for myself.

can the world, can the mindsets, just please give me a break.

give me…